If you haven’t tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it’s helpful for issues like you’re having with your appearance. The Blue Blood Flag Shirt I recommend is The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns because I find it to be comprehensive, but there are many other CBT books you can skim and choose from. Just being a user of the book and not a licensed therapist or whatever, I’d say you could do a cost/benefit analysis of the idea that you are “the ugly girl no one could ever possibly love”. What are the benefits of believing that? (For example, a. you never have to take risks, b. you have a ready-made explanation for why things don’t work out, c. your identity is defined and you never have to feel the insecurity of questioning who you are, d. etc…). What are the costs of believing that? (a. You feel miserable about your appearance, b. you don’t let people in out of fear of rejection, c. you likely don’t emphasize your positive traits because you believe they can’t overcome how people may see you, d. if someone comes along that challenges your belief that you are unlovable, you may subconsciously try to prove them wrong rather than be proved wrong by them, e.etc…). THEN you do a cost/benefit of the Blue Blood Flag Shirt I am a Blue Blood Flag Shirt who’s had eye surgery and it’s possible to love me. What are the costs to believing that? (a. I may have doubts whether or not people do notice the imperfect ocular appearance I believe is noticeable to all, and I won’t be certain it has any bearing on their judgement of me as a person, b. I’ll have to date and wade through all the people who even stereotypically pretty, confident people have trouble choosing from, c. I may have to let go of years of self-doubt and pain, which would be uncomfortable because it has defined me for so long; and I also may feel regret for not letting go of this earlier, which would take work to process). And then, what are the benefits of believing that? (a. I can open up to people, b. I can stop worrying about my ocular appearance that has tortured me for so long, c. I can start a Blue Blood Flag Shirt in my life, d. I can allow myself to have all the Blue Blood Flag Shirt that I wanted for so long but didnt feel I deserved, e. etc…).
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Ok this is going to be a bit of a Anthony Albanese Voice Treaty Truth Midnight Oil Shirt. I apologise beforehand. My gender expression is a Anthony Albanese Voice Treaty Truth Midnight Oil Shirt more obvious on this particular alt. And my profile has preferred pronouns on it. A couple of days ago – on a completely unrelated sub, someone’s counter to a discussion I thought was being had in good faith was basically this – “You can’t even decide if you’re male or female so don’t… “ etc etc.. Every other week, I go through the process of scrubbing my profile just to obscure my gender identity a bit – just to avoid people sliding into my DMs. I’ve had people ask me extremely inane shit like “oh, are you into XYZ video game, I have never met another woman who plays.” And I’ve been called vile, sexist names for drawing boundaries with these kind of interactions. But that’s just Reddit, right? Can’t take that shit seriously. You ignore and you move on. It’s so much more jarring when you see this behaviour offline. Idk if this is even theAnthony Albanese Voice Treaty Truth Midnight Oil Shirt to discuss this. I’m in a committed relationship cishet setup. Today, I pointed out to my partner how our family members — usually extremely gung-ho about celebrating the women in the family this one day — completely forgot their yearly tradition because it was also Holi. I was just lightheartedly pointing out just how their posturing has been completely exposed. All it took was another Hindu festival to completely knock off the annual “let’s appreciate our wives and mothers” forwards. Holy shit, did that blow up in my face! My partner then proceeded call me bitter and mansplain why women’s day is important. All this without an iota of the knowledge of the history of these celebrations! Didn’t even bother reading the token editorials and explainers on it. When I added some context, pointed out some of my issues with it (I needn’t list them, this sub has far better posts on that, I’m sure) the only counter argument to my responses was to attack my rationality and mental health – “what is wrong with your head” Just the sheer irony of this situation makes me cry-laugh. But it was lost on my partner. This man used to preside over MUNs in college?! So that’s been March 8, 2023 for me, folks. 🙂
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