If you haven’t tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it’s helpful for issues like you’re having with your appearance. The Blue Blood Flag Shirt I recommend is The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns because I find it to be comprehensive, but there are many other CBT books you can skim and choose from. Just being a user of the book and not a licensed therapist or whatever, I’d say you could do a cost/benefit analysis of the idea that you are “the ugly girl no one could ever possibly love”. What are the benefits of believing that? (For example, a. you never have to take risks, b. you have a ready-made explanation for why things don’t work out, c. your identity is defined and you never have to feel the insecurity of questioning who you are, d. etc…). What are the costs of believing that? (a. You feel miserable about your appearance, b. you don’t let people in out of fear of rejection, c. you likely don’t emphasize your positive traits because you believe they can’t overcome how people may see you, d. if someone comes along that challenges your belief that you are unlovable, you may subconsciously try to prove them wrong rather than be proved wrong by them, e.etc…). THEN you do a cost/benefit of the Blue Blood Flag Shirt I am a Blue Blood Flag Shirt who’s had eye surgery and it’s possible to love me. What are the costs to believing that? (a. I may have doubts whether or not people do notice the imperfect ocular appearance I believe is noticeable to all, and I won’t be certain it has any bearing on their judgement of me as a person, b. I’ll have to date and wade through all the people who even stereotypically pretty, confident people have trouble choosing from, c. I may have to let go of years of self-doubt and pain, which would be uncomfortable because it has defined me for so long; and I also may feel regret for not letting go of this earlier, which would take work to process). And then, what are the benefits of believing that? (a. I can open up to people, b. I can stop worrying about my ocular appearance that has tortured me for so long, c. I can start a Blue Blood Flag Shirt in my life, d. I can allow myself to have all the Blue Blood Flag Shirt that I wanted for so long but didnt feel I deserved, e. etc…).
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I actually did exactly this two years ago! I picked a Official Make Country Music Not Woke Again Shirt that was a common woman’s name. I subscribed to all the same subreddits that I normally follow (regional and technology subreddits, mostly), and posted using exactly the same voice I normally use. I used it off and on during those two years at a level I would characterize as moderate to heavy. I was never asked if I was male or female, so I never volunteered that information. I found that I got much, much more karma. This account is in the 14-year club, and I am gaining comment karma so much faster in the Official Make Country Music Not Woke Again Shirt. Post karma, too, although I’m not a big poster in either account. On the whole, I would say that I’m treated much better when people see a traditional female username. People are more willing to interact with me, reward my comments, and are less likely to argue with me — even on the extremely technical IT subreddits.
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